Archive for the Category »Introspection «

August

In two days, my odometer does its annual rollover. I’ll be 44. I like the symmetry.

Of late I’ve been ruminating on men and relationships, life and love. I suppose it’s natural that birthdays always seem to trigger some nostalgia wrapped in the sheer organza of regret. My last relationship made two things very clear to me: One, I really needed some “alone” time; and, two, I was craving independence and solitude.

The interesting thing about the solitude of freedom is that there is a very fine line between its ecstasy and the thoroughfare of loneliness. A fortress of solitude, of your own making, can at times be a cage that is bulletproof. I think I’ve overstayed my welcome in solitude.

For the first time (in quite some time), I really yearn to be two. I think this is both a sign of growth and weariness. At 44, I feel like I’m at a literal and figurative half-way point. Call it what you will–a fork in the road, a choice of closed doors, a jump into the exhilirating terror of the unknown. I’m ready.

Of course, saying it…and doing it are separated by seconds and days. That’s the scary part. I’m not afraid of exposing myself any longer. In fact, it almost feels like a perverse thrill. To get to that one thing…that one place…that one man is a journey and exploration I find myself craving.

While I’ve said numerous times that I don’t think I’ll ever fully “grow-up”, I think for the first time in my life I feel like an adult male. (Yeah, like it only took 44 years…I know…) I’m a man who could use somebody. I’m a somebody who wants love and the forever after that always seemed so elusive.

It’s my birthday. It’s my love. And for the first time in a very long time, I want it all.

Category: Blogging, Geektique, Introspection, Men, Personal, Relationships, The O List, Writing Leave a Comment

On Death And Dying…

March

Albert

This post was originally going to be about the repeal of the death penalty in New Mexico thanks to Governor Bill Richardson’s signature (something that I applaud), but it was untimely death of another Richardson that made that subject less important at the moment.

Yesterday’s loss of Ms. Natasha Richardson was a very sad one. Her accidental death has left me in a fog of melancholia I just can’t seem to shake. Such a vibrant, larger-than-life woman was taken from this realm way too early. She had a joie de vivre that was infectious–and a hearty laugh to match. She had numerous memorable film and television roles (’Patty Hearst’, ‘Asylum’, ‘Widows’ Peak’, ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’, ‘The Comfort Of Strangers’), however, it was on the grand stage where she really shined. Her Tony award-winning turn as the inimitable Sally Bowles in ‘Cabaret’ was a definite iconic moment. But, her range was wide and she gave enthralling performances in such varied works as ‘Anna Christie’, ‘The Seagull’, ‘Closer’ and ‘The Lady From The Sea’. It was on the stage where Ms. Richardson dared you to take your eyes off of her. It was, of course, a futile proposition. She commanded the entire theatre’s attention and she gave back a sense of humanity and spirit that was indelible.

Beyond her obvious beauty and numerous talents, Ms. Richardson was a doting mother, wife and humanitarian. She gave of herself freely for many charitable causes and endeavors. She was one of the rare few who just didn’t use her prestigious family and fame to raise money, but instead volunteered of her time and experience in too many causes to name. But, it was her enduring work on behalf of the Foundation For AIDS Research (amfAR) that will surely stand as a testament to what a remarkable human being she was. HIV/AIDS remained a personal issue for Ms. Richardson after the death of her father Tony from AIDS-related causes. Mr. Richardson was openly bisexual. In addition to her work for amfAR, Ms. Richardson participated in numerous other AIDS charities, including Bailey House, Gods Love We Deliver, Mother’s Voices, AIDS Crisis Trust and National AIDS Trust.

My thoughts and prayers are with the Neesons, the Richardsons, the Redgraves in this time of sorrow.

Ms. Natasha Richardson, (1963-2009)

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President Barack Obama’s Inaugural Address

January

Albert

The 44th President of the United States, Barack Hussein Obama

Following is the transcript of President Barack Obama’s Inaugural Address, as transcribed by The New York Times:

OBAMA: Thank you. Thank you.

CROWD: Obama! Obama! Obama! Obama!

My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors.

I thank President Bush for his service to our nation…

(APPLAUSE)

… as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition.

Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath.

OBAMA: The words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. At these moments, America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because We the People have remained faithful to the ideals of our forbearers, and true to our founding documents.

OBAMA: So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Americans.

That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our nation is at war against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age.

Homes have been lost, jobs shed, businesses shuttered. Our health care is too costly, our schools fail too many, and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet.

OBAMA: These are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics. Less measurable, but no less profound, is a sapping of confidence across our land; a nagging fear that America’s decline is inevitable, that the next generation must lower its sights.

Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real, they are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this America: They will be met.

(APPLAUSE)

On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.

OBAMA: On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn-out dogmas that for far too long have strangled our politics.

We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness.

(APPLAUSE)

In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of shortcuts or settling for less.

OBAMA: It has not been the path for the faint-hearted, for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame.

Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things — some celebrated, but more often men and women obscure in their labor — who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom.

For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life. For us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the West, endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth.

OBAMA: For us, they fought and died in places Concord and Gettysburg; Normandy and Khe Sahn.

Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. They saw America as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction.

This is the journey we continue today. We remain the most prosperous, powerful nation on Earth. Our workers are no less productive than when this crisis began. Our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services no less needed than they were last week or last month or last year. Our capacity remains undiminished. But our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions — that time has surely passed.

OBAMA: Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America.

(APPLAUSE)

For everywhere we look, there is work to be done.

The state of our economy calls for action: bold and swift. And we will act not only to create new jobs but to lay a new foundation for growth.

We will build the roads and bridges, the electric grids and digital lines that feed our commerce and bind us together.

We will restore science to its rightful place and wield technology’s wonders to raise health care’s quality…

(APPLAUSE)

… and lower its costs.

OBAMA: We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories. And we will transform our schools and colleges and universities to meet the demands of a new age.

All this we can do. All this we will do.

Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions, who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short, for they have forgotten what this country has already done, what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose and necessity to courage.

What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them, that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long, no longer apply.

OBAMA: The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works, whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified.

Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end.

And those of us who manage the public’s knowledge will be held to account, to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day, because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government.

Nor is the question before us whether the market is a force for good or ill. Its power to generate wealth and expand freedom is unmatched.

OBAMA: But this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control. The nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous.

The success of our economy has always depended not just on the size of our gross domestic product, but on the reach of our prosperity; on the ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart — not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good.

(APPLAUSE)

As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals.

Our founding fathers faced with perils that we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations.

OBAMA: Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience’s sake.

And so, to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and we are ready to lead once more.

(APPLAUSE)

Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with the sturdy alliances and enduring convictions.

OBAMA: They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use. Our security emanates from the justness of our cause; the force of our example; the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.

We are the keepers of this legacy, guided by these principles once more, we can meet those new threats that demand even greater effort, even greater cooperation and understanding between nations. We’ll begin to responsibly leave Iraq to its people and forge a hard- earned peace in Afghanistan.

OBAMA: With old friends and former foes, we’ll work tirelessly to lessen the nuclear threat and roll back the specter of a warming planet.

We will not apologize for our way of life nor will we waver in its defense.

And for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents, we say to you now that, “Our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken. You cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you.”

(APPLAUSE)

For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness.

We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus, and nonbelievers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth.

And because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.

OBAMA: To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect.

To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict or blame their society’s ills on the West, know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy.

To those…

(APPLAUSE)

To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history, but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.

(APPLAUSE)

OBAMA: To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds.

And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to the suffering outside our borders, nor can we consume the world’s resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it.

As we consider the road that unfolds before us, we remember with humble gratitude those brave Americans who, at this very hour, patrol far-off deserts and distant mountains. They have something to tell us, just as the fallen heroes who lie in Arlington whisper through the ages.

We honor them not only because they are guardians of our liberty, but because they embody the spirit of service: a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves.

OBAMA: And yet, at this moment, a moment that will define a generation, it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all.

For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies.

It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break; the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours.

It is the firefighter’s courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent’s willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.

Our challenges may be new, the instruments with which we meet them may be new, but those values upon which our success depends, honesty and hard work, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism — these things are old.

OBAMA: These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history.

What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility — a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character than giving our all to a difficult task.

This is the price and the promise of citizenship.

OBAMA: This is the source of our confidence: the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny.

This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed, why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall. And why a man whose father less than 60 years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.

(APPLAUSE)

So let us mark this day in remembrance of who we are and how far we have traveled.

In the year of America’s birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by nine campfires on the shores of an icy river.

OBAMA: The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood.

At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:

“Let it be told to the future world that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive, that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet it.”

America, in the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words; with hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come; let it be said by our children’s children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God’s grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.

Thank you. God bless you.

(APPLAUSE)

And God bless the United States of America.

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The Myth of Armor

January

Albert

Perhaps it’s something you discover with age. Perhaps it’s something we all find out in our own time. Perhaps it’s something some never discover.

We are creatures of habit. We are creatures guided by an instinctual goal of self-preservation. While disappointment becomes a fact of life early on, the acceptance of personal weakness is (for most) a bitter pill to swallow. It’s so much easier to pretend we all go through life with a perpetual suit of armor–a shell to protect our ever so delicate skin.

What one’s personal weakness is can be varied and cut a wide swath across many levels. Be they weaknesses of flesh, tears, blood, vice, et.al.–we all have them. But for too many, acknowledging that weakness–and perhaps learning to embrace it–is an exercise of uncomfortable self-examination.

Recently, I told someone that no matter how well he wore his suit of armor–there were always areas of vulnerability. No matter how well-intentioned and carefully constructed that breastplate you wear is, there are always chinks waiting to betray you at the most inopportune moments. The messy business–flesh, blood, tears, heart–is always waiting for the smallest fissure to leak out onto the floor and remind you. Remind you that no matter how many walls or suits you build, the vulnerability is always lurking.

It is when you are frayed–nerves exposed, heart squeezed, flesh ripped–you need to stand in front of a mirror (whether it be literal or figurative). The weakness does not betray you. It is part and parcel of the man in the mirror. In the end, we all face slings and arrows. We all bare our soul to those we trust. Sometimes, that trust is misplaced and the consequences are indeed messy.

It is my contention that the “mess” is what makes us strong. Dealing with the aftermath is the true test of character and infailability. Dry the tears. Wipe up the blood. Never regret the weakness. Never hide the weakness. It is. Just like you.

The armor is a myth. My arms around your chest are strong. My shoulder where your tears fall is steady. My kiss on your wounds are bandages. You don’t have to be a tin man for me. This flawed man will always understand.

For I am weak…and I’m okay with that….

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Happy Holidays!

December

Albert

It almost seems unbelievable that 2008 is quickly drawing to a close. It was as if we were just celebrating the turn of the century a few days ago…

Whatever shape and form your holiday celebrations take, I wanted to take a moment and wish you all Peace and Love. It’s been another terrific year for Obliquity65. Readers continue to drop by from around the world…and more importantly, they come back. Your loyalty (and faith when the posting gets lean) means more than I could ever find the right words for.

I’m looking forward to wonderful Christmas with my family at my home. I don’t think we’ll have any snow (again!), but the chill on the air is here, the lights are sparkling and the gifts await my neice and nephew. Christmas dinner is veering away from the traditional and all the baking is now completed. All the wrapping is over and the anticipation is ever-building.

Thank you for being there in more ways than I count. To all my blogging brethren, thank you for another year of entertainment–and more importantly–friendship. May you all surround yourself with loved ones and the warmth of giving and compassion. The world may wobble on its axis at times, but the kindess of the human spirit never falters. xox, A.

Category: Blogging, Holidays, Introspection, Personal, The O List, Writing One Comment

Doubt

December

Albert

John Patrick Shanley’s seminal play ‘Doubt’ has finally been adapted for the big screen by the playwright himself. While several critics have taken Shanley to task (unfairly) for his adaptation and direction, I’m here to tell you that ‘Doubt’ is without doubt one of this year’s finest film experiences. Everything that was brilliant and relevant with the off-Broadway debut of ‘Doubt’ in 2004 is still as vital and electric as the stage production.

When your source material has won the New York Drama Critics Circle Award, the Lucille Lortel Award, the Outer Critics Circle Award, the Drama League Award, the Drama Desk, the Tony and the Pulitzer, it’s very hard to imagine it not making a successful transition to the big screen. In the hands of the man who created the bristling dialog and layered moral constructs of the drama’s carcass, it would seem virtually indestructable. Yet, Shanley has taken some risks. Transfering a dramatic piece specifically created for the stage to the open-ended world of film is a trickier task than some give Shanley credit for.

To that end, and with the expert eye of Director of Photography Roger Deakins, Shanley has infused the film version of his play with a dazzling use of color and the elements of Mother Nature. Nowhere is that dramatic intent as poignantly visible as during the “pillow sermon” which is later echoed by the stunning confrontation of Sister Aloysius and Mrs. Miller (more on that in a bit) and a whirl of autumn leaves. Scenes bookended with streaming sunlight, pitch blackness, pouring rain, splashes of unexpected color, open windows, drawn blinds–all serve as flawless and metaphoric punctuation to the performances of the actors and the exposition of the story.

At its very core, ‘Doubt’ is a story with not-so-pat answers to questions that have shadowed man from his creation. When is one man’s truth more correct than another? When do one’s beliefs and guiding principles blind us from the truths in front of us? Can truth ultimately be more dangerous than what one’s mind can concoct? These are but few of the questions that Shanley and ‘Doubt’ challenge us with. So when the first black student is accepted into St. Nicholas in the Bronx, a duel between Father Flynn (Philip Seymour Hoffman) and Sister Aloysius Beauvier (Meryl Streep) is sparked when the priest takes a special interest in Donald Miller’s education–an interest Sister Beauvier fears is unhealthy and inappropriate.

The moral dilemma is set into motion when a hapless innocent, Sister James (Amy Adams), hears and sees too much–or has she? Not quite sure of what to make of the situation, she naturally turns to Sister Aloysius for guidance. What results is a showdown between these three characters and their truths over young Donald Miller. While the obvious issues raised–including racism, homosexuality, pedophilia, religious dogma, religious hierarchy and politics–all provide jumping off points for the drama and the catharsis to follow, the real jolt to the system comes with the appearance of Donald Miller’s mother at the behest of Sister Aloysius.

In one superbly shot and brilliantly acted scene, Viola Davis (who appears only once in the film) gives a tour de force performance that will be talked about for ages. Not only does Davis bring an unexpected humanity and vulnerability to her character, but she basically upends the seeming conclusion the pathos was driving for with a bombshell revelation. So vital and heartwrenching is this scene, that it will literally take the audience aback and make them rethink any preconceived notions they may have fostered of our main players. In many ways, Mrs. Miller proves to be the one vulnerability in Sister Aloysius’ steely armor of truths. Viola Davis not only deserves an Academy-Award nomination as Best Supporting Actress, she deserves the prize with this unforgettable performance. (At a later date, I want to revisit the mechanics of this scene–and their consequences.)

To say that ‘Doubt’ is loaded with a talented cast is perhaps the understatement of the year. The indescribably brilliant Meryl Streep gives an assured and haunting performance as Sister Aloysius. Watching Streep’s eyes dart and chin tighten as she passes Sister Aloysius’ judgements is a study in acting on its own. She inhabits this character with such fervor and committment, it’s quite easy to forget that she is Meryl Streep, actress. Ms. Streep will rightly collect her fifteenth Oscar nomation. Philip Seymour Hoffman’s turn as Father Flynn is much more nuanced than Streep’s. His character is painted in broad strokes with careful shading (unlike Sister Aloysius). Hoffman’s Flynn is at his best when he’s locked one-on-one with Streep’s Beauvier. These scenes crackle with an intensity that literally makes your heart race faster. Amy Adams’ Sister James is the buffer to Flynn and Beauvier’s battle. She brings an innocence that is deeply needed in the murky clouds of suspicion. Together, with Ms. Davis, the quartet are assuredly the best film ensemble of the year.

‘Doubt’ will affect you on a very deep and personal level if you allow it to. There are no easy answers–and the questions themselves may be wrong. As a morality play, ‘Doubt’ is brilliant in its set-up and execution. It asks you to examine your truths and question your doubts. Neither Shanley nor the film answer the audience’s questions–and in doing so create the ultimate questions about faith and fate.

================

SYNOPSIS:

John Patrick Shanley brings his play DOUBT to the screen, in a story about the
quest for truth, the forces of change, and the devastating consequences of blind justice in an age defined by moral conviction.

It’s 1964, St. Nicholas in the Bronx. A vibrant, charismatic priest, Father Flynn (Philip Seymour Hoffman), is trying to upend the school’s strict customs, which have long been fiercely guarded by Sister Aloysius Beauvier (Meryl Streep), the iron-gloved Principal who believes in the power of fear and discipline. The winds of political change are sweeping through the community, and, indeed, the school has just accepted its first black student, Donald Miller. But when Sister James (Amy Adams), a hopeful innocent, shares with Sister Aloysius her guilt-inducing suspicion that Father Flynn is paying too much personal attention to Donald, Sister Aloysius is galvanized to begin a crusade to both unearth the truth and expunge Flynn from the school. Now, without a shred of proof or evidence except her moral certainty, Sister Aloysius locks into a battle of wills with Father Flynn, a battle that threatens to tear apart the church and school with devastating consequences.

DOUBT was written for the screen and directed by John Patrick Shanley. The film stars Meryl Streep, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Amy Adams and Viola Davis. The film is produced by Scott Rudin and Mark Roybal, with Celia Costas as Executive Producer. Director of Photography is Roger Deakins, ASC, BSC; Production Designer is David Gropman; Editor is Dylan Tichenor, ACE; Costume Designer is Ann Roth; Music is by Howard Shore; Casting is by Ellen Chenoweth; Sound Mixing is by Danny Michael, CAS, Lee Dichter, CAS and Ron Bochar, CAS; Sound Editing is by Ron Bochar.

ABOUT THE PRODUCTION:

From the opening moments of John Patrick Shanley’s DOUBT to its powerful conclusion, uncertainty hangs in the air, drawing the audience into a provocative mystery in which two nuns, a priest, and the mother of a young boy – as well as the audience itself — are forced to confront their core beliefs as they struggle with judgment and verdict, conviction and doubt. In the battle of wills that ensues, DOUBT raises probing questions about the challenges of navigating a world increasingly confronted by sweeping changes and moral dilemmas.

It was the very word “doubt” that first inspired Shanley to write what would become the most acclaimed play of the last decade, and now, to adapt the story into a screenplay that enlarges the play’s world and uses the fluidity of cinema to plant new seeds of uncertainty. At the time he began writing, Shanley recalls vast numbers of polarized political pundits literally shouting at each other on television. “I felt surrounded by a society that seemed very certain about a lot of things. Everyone had a very entrenched opinion, but there was no real exchange, and if someone were to say ‘I don’t know,’ it was as if they would be put to death in the media coliseum. There was this mask of certainty in our society that I saw hardening to the point that it was developing a crack – and that crack was doubt,” Shanley explains.

“So I decided to write a play that celebrated the fact that you can never know anything for certain. I wanted to explore the idea that doubt has an infinite nature, that it allows for growth and change, whereas certainty is a dead-end. Where there is certainty, the conversation is over, and I’m interested in the conversation, especially because another word for that conversation is ‘life.’ We’ve got to learn to live with a measure of uncertainty. That’s the silence under the chatter of our time.”

For Shanley, the overriding challenge was incorporating not just the theme but also the very mechanism of doubt into the fabric of his story, unraveling facts and truths the audience might think are clear at the outset, and leaving the audience finally to explore these loose ends in their own way. Throughout, Shanley’s one incontrovertible dictum was to never lead the audience to any one individual conclusion. “What was always important to me,” he explains, “is that the sense of doubt belongs to the audience. I’m not going to tell them what’s right and wrong. I wanted to simply make them think and feel something, rather than tell them what to think and feel.”

Once Shanley knew he wanted to write about doubt and the necessity of weathering the inevitable challenges to one’s beliefs, he began to ponder the setting for such a tale. “I wanted to apply the way I see things to a situation that was very fraught and seemingly insoluble,” he says, “and this led to a parish priest accused of taking advantage of a member of his flock. I wasn’t interested in the church scandals themselves, but I was looking for a polarizing situation, one in which most people would brook no hesitation in condemning a person – and then throwing those assumptions back at the audience in a different light.”

Having decided on setting the story’s battleground issues of principle and compassion in a religious school, Shanley’s play took on a rich personal depth, transporting him back to his own childhood growing up in a strict Catholic school in a predominantly Irish Catholic workingclass Bronx neighborhood. “I knew those people,” he says. “Sister Aloysius is certainly based on nuns I experienced firsthand, and she is also someone I relate to – there is a certain sadness I share with her about things that are gone now from the world, like silence and ball point pens and students reading Plato.”

Drawing further on his resonant memories, Shanley set the clash between Sister Aloysius and Father Flynn against the volatile atmosphere of 1964, just after the Kennedy assassination and on the cusp of the civil rights movement of the late 60s. “That was a pivotal time of going from complete faith in establishments and hierarchies, to questioning those establishments and hierarchies — like the military, and organized religion,” he says.

It was also a time of sweeping changes for the Catholic Church. The establishment of Vatican II by Pope John XXIII in 1962 ushered in a series of considerable reforms designed to make the church more modern, more diverse and more accessible to a changing laity. By the mid-‘60s, the face of the church would be quite different, with nuns no longer required to wear the habit and with much less formality between priests and their parishioners.

“I wanted to capture something about that lost moment,” says Shanley. “Walking around the Bronx in 1964, you’d see nuns in their bonnets and habits, but you didn’t realize that within just a few years, they wouldn’t be wearing them anymore and that time would be gone forever. I also think that Father Flynn is very much a product of the early ‘60s in the way he is questioning institutions as they stand, while still working within the system. He wants to make the church that he loves viable in a changing world.”

Race, too, was woven into the story through the character of Donald Miller, the black child whose unusually close relationship with Father Flynn spurs Sister Aloysius’ crusade. Shanley has vivid memories of attending a school with just a single black student in the early, tension-filled days of school integration. “When you have only one black student in school, you really start to notice that person and think, what does it feel like to be that guy? It made me see myself and my social context in a more complex way and made me start to question those things on a deeper level,” he comments.

Throughout, Shanley avoided taking sides with any of his characters – and he admits that he relates to elements of both Father Flynn and Sister Aloysius. “I have a tendency to agree with every one of my characters while they are talking,” he confesses. “But that’s my experience of life. Human beings are contradictory and paradoxical and mysterious, and they remain that way.”

All of this builds to the story’s crucible moment, when Sister Aloysius finally admits she herself has – for the first time – doubts. Her certainty has been eroded by her growing compassion and even empathy for Donald Miller, his mother, the other students, and Sister James. She finds community in doubt, and thus is humanized and changed. The audience is left to reconcile what they just experienced in terms of their own beliefs and emotions. This was essential to Shanley’s vision for Doubt.

He says: “For more than a hundred years, filmmakers have tended to ask a question and at the end of the movie, they answer it. With Doubt, I wanted to leave the audience at the end not with an answer, but saying rather: ‘What a beautiful question.’ In that way, it becomes the audience’s story.”

Shanley’s play, given its world premiere off-Broadway in the fall of 2004, was swept onto Broadway via an avalanche of rave reviews. It opened at the Walter Kerr Theater in 2005 and remained there for a total of 25 previews and 525 performances, which then led to a lengthy national tour and numerous international productions.

In the wake of the play’s international success, Shanley came to believe that Doubt, with its ability to provoke and move audiences around the world, could inevitably do the same for movie audiences. Shanley had been writing screenplays for two decades, and had won an Oscar® for penning the romantic comedy “Moonstruck.” Adapting Doubt, he says, would be the most difficult screenwriting experience of all. The challenge at hand was to completely reenvision his play and allow it to become a different creature on the screen: more visceral, more dynamic, more open to the vibrant, burgeoning working class neighborhoods of 1960s New York.

“This story started with memories of growing up in the Bronx and then those memories became a play, and I used the stage and all the materials it had to offer to tell the story that way; and now, as a film, it has a profoundly different character,” Shanley says. “The kind of specificity you get in filmmaking — from the real air, the real buildings, the real things all around you — brings a verité to the story that the actors use to find a different level of performance. Theatre is very organized and real life is disorganized, so part of the process was shattering the story back into pieces and making it more like those original memories.”

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‘Doubt’ is 104 minutes, Rated PG-13 for Thematic Material
Release Date: December 12, 2008 Limited; Miramax Films

CIAO: Goodbye, Hello, Goodbye

November

Albert

[***NOTICE: The following entry contains key plot details, review information and production details from the upcoming film 'CIAO'. If you do not wish to have an advance notice, please skip this entry. Thank you.***]

‘Ciao’ is a film about death, loss, pain and mourning. ‘Ciao’ is also a film about discovery, hope and the capacity of the human spirit. It is at once haunting and heartbreaking, profound and illuminating.

If that seems in the least bit contradictory, it’s part of what makes the film such a genuinely beautiful constructed ode to loss. I had the immense privilege to watch an advance screener of the Regent Releasing film last night. Writers Yen Tan (also the Director) and Alessandro Calzo (also co-star) have written one of the most beautiful films about loss that I have ever seen.

Mr. Alessandro Calza

From the opening minutes which are framed by repeated shots of e-mail compositions and a man’s day-to-day routine, the sense of quiet and powerful discovery is set in motion. Tan’s choice to use his actor’s silence as part of the dialog is a brilliant choice. We are forced to watch more closely and keenly. The two leads are amazing beautiful–and talented–men. In the faces of Jeff (Adam Neal Smith) and Andrea (Alessandro Calza), the director has two expressive canvases–and I was riveted by every flick of an eye, strained neck muscle and delicate nuance of two men who come to know one another in the most difficult of circumstances.

Mr. Adam Neal Smith

The story is beautifully told, superbly acted and brilliantly filmed. There are some gloriously beautiful framing shots in this film. A special mention must be made of the work of Director of Photography Michael Victor Roy’s work–it’s truly sublime. The words of Tan and Calza are sparse, yet powerful in resonance. The acting of Smith and Calza is first-rate. I could not give a bigger recommendation to see this film as soon as you can.

‘Ciao’ will open on a staggered schedule beginning December 5, 2008 in New York City at the Landmark Sunshine. It will roll out through January and beyond. You’ll probably have to a bit of work to find, but do NOT miss this one. Currently the film is scheduled to play:

December 5th–New York City, Landmark Sunshine
December 12th–San Francisco, Landmark Lumiere
December 19th–Boston, Landmark One Kendall Square
December 19th–Denver, Starz Film Center
December 26th–Los Angeles, Laemmle’s Sunset 5
January 2nd–Ft. Lauderdale, Sunrise Gateway
January 9th–San Diego, Landmark Hillcrest
January 16th–Portland, Living Room Theaters
January 30th–Philadelphia, Landmark Ritz at the Bourse
February 13th–Atlanta, Landmark Midtown Art Cinema

SHORT SYNOPSIS:

‘CIAO’ beautifully explores the difficult path to accepting loss amidst the hope of new beginnings. This somber and touching modern love story focuses on the incidental friendship between two strangers living in two different parts of the world. Their connection is sparked by the unexpected loss of a mutual friend, Mark. When Jeff (Adam Neal Smith) is left in charge of handling Mark’s possessions and tying up loose ends he stumbles upon one of Mark’s email conversations with Mark’s online Italian romance, Andrea (Allesandro Calza, who also co-wrote the screenplay) and must tell him the bad news. With a trip already booked, Andrea decides to come and learn more about his recently departed friend. What begins as a tragedy that links two strangers from different ends of the world becomes a deeply realized friendship that may change their lives forever.

DIRECTOR’S STATEMENT:

In May of 2003 I received an email from Alessandro, a web designer in Genoa, Italy. He wanted to tell me how much he enjoyed my first feature film ‘Happy Birthday.’ This sparked off a series of long, platonic correspondence that continues to this day. It all seemed rather “84 Charing Cross Road;” the Helene Haniff true-life novel that was then adapted into a film starring Anne Bancroft as the book-loving writer in New York City whose letters with a bookseller in London, played by Anthony Hopkins, spanned over two decades. Like Ms Haniff and Frank Doel (albeit cruder and gayer), the emails between Alessandro and I seemed endless; conversations went on and on about everything and nothing. We were like two friends chatting non-stop from dusk till dawn, occasionally sharing a favorite song via MP3 attachment.

It wasn’t long before the idea struck me: a simple story about two people who eventually meet after corresponding with each other over a period of time. There’s an Italian (Andrea) and an American (Mark). They write each other. They meet. They have witty conversations over candlelight dinners. A romantic comedy ensues? Something about this set-up bugged me: it was too superficial, too lighthearted, too gag-inducing for my taste. But what if something happened to the American prior to their meeting? Like he died in a tragic car accident? Yes! Exit Mark, enter Jeff. Jeff was good friends with Mark and has no idea that Andrea, the foreigner, is coming to visit. We now have intrigue in the premise.

I bounced the initial draft off Alessandro. After all, I had based Andrea on him and I wanted to avoid the Oliver Martinez cliché: the American’s eroticized idea of the passionate European with an accent who can kiss like there’s no tomorrow. Which, in retrospect, was exactly the kind of Italian I presented in the first draft. As I got to know Alessandro better on a more personal level and spoke to him on the phone several times, I gradually refined the character, which consequentially made me define the gist of the story even more. I came to realize that the film is about grief. It is about the birth of a relationship upon the death of another.

Two years and ten drafts later, ‘Ciao’ has been shaped into an emotionally astute screenplay about the incidental friendship between two strangers living in two different parts of the world. Their connection is linked by the unexpected loss of a mutual friend. One has been with him for many years; the other has never even met him, but may have gotten to know him on a more intimate level through the emails exchanged. How would these two people behave when they met? What would they say to each other? In which ways do they mourn?

I’ve been meaning to keep a daily journal through production but alas, physical and mental exhaustion have prevented me from partaking in the ritual. There was a tad of laziness involved, also, but hey, a man can only work so hard. Returning to the day job after the shoot was difficult and surreal. Difficult because life doesn’t feel the same anymore. Surreal because everything that happened before feels like a distant dream.

We wrapped on a Friday morning, shooting a pivotal love scene between Jeff and Andrea that turned out marvelously. I won’t go into details about what took place but I was quite enamored and entranced by what I witnessed. The moment I recalled vividly occurred right after we rolled on the first take and before I yelled “Action!” I had requested that we play a two minute excerpt from Aphex Twin’s “Nanou 2”, with the idea of setting a tone for the actors. Adam had his eyes closed; Alessandro was watching him. At one point, Alessandro reached over to fix a crease in Adam’s tank top. It was an unexpectedly maternal gesture that accentuated what followed. I was profoundly moved.

Over the weekend, I went back to unit 7, the condo we rented to shoot a majority of the film in, for some cleaning and tidying before we turned the keys back to the landlord. Alessandro assisted me later to take out bags of trash that had accumulated over the past three weeks. We sat in the living room after and talked. Everything we said boiled down to “this is sad”. It was sad. Production was over. People had gone back home. All there was left was emptiness.

One of the unexpected stylistic elements that I discovered in the course of filming was my fascination with negative space. It was very Ozuesque: a sense of not wanting to leave the environment we were in. I did this in numerous scenes; requesting the actors delay their action in entering the frame at the beginning of the shot or not cutting the end of it until the actors have cleared the frame for several seconds after. None of this really caught up to me emotionally until I returned to unit 7 again. That was when it all clicked. The theme of the film became crystal clear: it was about our yearning to stay. To remain. To never part.

As much as I thought I was gonna collapse in the strenuous midst of production, I didn’t really want this whole experience to end. Something about the idea of moving on really disturbs me now. One morning in week two, I woke up with a pillow held tightly in my arms. I believe I cried in my sleep the night before. I still don’t know what I was holding on to.

CAST:

ADAM NEAL SMITH
Focusing primarily on sports through his teenage years, Adam’s interest in film and the craft of acting did not develop until adulthood. As a history major at the University of North Texas, Adam took an introductory acting class to meet the requirement for a fine arts credit. He was hooked immediately. Within a year after graduation from UNT, Adam relocated to Los Angeles and formed a band, The Ethels. He then joined The 68 Cent Crew Theater Company, where he performed as Billy D. during a six-month run of Samuel Shem’s Bill W. and Dr. Bob and co-wrote the play, “On the Brink.” Additionally, Adam signed on to take the role of Homer Morris in the traveling children’s show “The Morris Brothers.” The show sparked an interest in improvisation, which he nurtured by enrolling at Los Angeles’ Second City conservatory. Meanwhile, he and his friend Gordon Bash composed the score for Eric Wolfson’s feature film, “Callback.”

ALESSANDRO CALZA
Alessandro is a prolific new media designer based in Genoa, Italy. He has produced websites and print materials for Nokia, KLM, Bausch & Lomb, Motorola, and Lionsgate Films. Prior to that, his interest in costume design led him to an acting audition at Teatro Stabile, where he was chosen as one of the twenty finalists to be considered for admission at the distinguished acting school.

CHARLES W. BLAUM
Charles was discovered by Yen in a newspaper article about the Dallas Diablos, a gay rugby league he co-founded. He remains an active member of the organization and is also an avid karaoke singer.

ETHEL LUNG
Ethel had a lead role in Yen’s award-winning “Happy Birthday.” She has since been working in Los Angeles and is a member of the 68 Cent Crew Theater Company. Ethel has also appeared in a series of international commercials for Nokia and Allianz Insurance.

FILM MAKERS:

YEN TAN (CO-WRITER/DIRECTOR)
Born and raised in Malaysia, Yen’s first short film, “Love Stories” had a successful run at North American film festivals and was voted one of the six “Best of Fest” selections at the Dallas Video Festival. His debut feature, “Happy Birthday”, screened at numerous film festivals worldwide. The film also won the Grand Jury Prize for Best Feature at the Philadelphia Gay and Lesbian International Film Festival, and Yen was subsequently awarded the New Directors Showcase at the Portland GLBT Film Festival. Happy Birthday was acquired by TLA Releasing. Yen contributed a segment to the acclaimed omnibus film “Deadroom,” which premiered at the South by Southwest Film Festival, then played the Cleveland International Film Festival and the Philadelphia Film Festival. The directorial joint venture was given a Director’s Award for Best Narrative Feature at the Texas Film Festival. Concurrently, Yen was featured as one of the “20 Great Dallasites” in the 20th anniversary edition of the Dallas Voice. He has earned praises from esteemed author and critic Michael Bronski, who considered “Happy Birthday” “a work of intelligence and deep emotional sensibility.” “Trick” and “Queer as Folk” screenwriter Jason Schafer also commended Yen for having “a recognizable voice and a developed style this early in his career.” In addition to “Ciao,” Yen also wrote the Sundance Screenwriting Lab semi-finalist, “Pit Stop.”

JIM McMAHON (PRODUCER)
Jim met Yen while working on the set of the feature drama “Wedded Bliss?” where he worked as a Gaffer and Yen was an Assistant Director. Since then, they have built a close friendship and professional bond. Intensely focused, Jim has produced two feature films in the past three years while building strong relationships in all aspects of production, distribution, and exhibition. Currently working as a Post-Production Producer for a successful ad agency in Los Angeles, he frequently works on commercial projects with a total production budget of $500,000-$1,000,000. His directorial debut, a thriller entitled “Bloodshed,” premiered at the Dead by Dawn Film Festival in Scotland and subsequently gained immediate sales representation through Strategic Film Partners and Spotlight Pictures. It has done quite well at the European Film Market and is expected to gross 500% over the initial production budget. Also an accomplished Director of Photography, Jim has shot three feature films: “Deadroom” (which he also Executive Produced), “Mere Acquaintance”, and “Prison-A-Go-Go!”

JAMES M. JOHNSTON (CO-PRODUCER)
James has been making independent films for about eight years, primarily as a writer, producer, and director. His works include “Mere Acquaintance,” “Deadroom,” “GDMF,” and his latest, “Merrily, Merrily.” He did not attend film school and took his first fateful step towards filmmaking by volunteering to work on an ultra low-budget film. From there, he kept working on films in various roles and this is how he collected a great group of friends and collaborators that he works with on a regular basis. When not working on films, he is Executive Chef for his wife Amy McNutt’s award-winning vegan restaurant, Spiral Diner & Bakery.
MICHAEL VICTOR ROY (DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY)
Michael graduated from the USC School of Cinema and Television Production and has been working as both a Gaffer and a Chief Lighting Technician of independent film productions. With over twenty feature credits, including Adrienne Shelly’s “Waitress” and “An American Crime” with Catherine Keener, Michael has begun to concentrate his efforts on cinematography. In addition to “Ciao,” his current projects include “Mortals,” an intimate drama based on the writings of celebrated author Tobias Wolfe, and “Waste Land,” a feature length documentary film addressing the ramifications of a “throwaway” society.

CLARE FLOYD DEVRIES (PRODUCTION DESIGNER)
Winner of several Column Awards for her theater set designs; Clare was honored with the Dallas Theater League’s Leon Rabin Award for Watertower Theatre’s acclaimed “Sweeney Todd.” Since then, she’s been nominated for four shows: “Enchanted April,” “It Ain’t Nothin’ But the Blues,” “The Crucible,” and “Urinetown: the Musical;” where she won for “Enchanted” and “Urinetown.” The Dallas Morning News singled her out for an Arts Day profile, calling her “arguably Dallas’ best set designer.” More recently, she was interviewed as part of the National Public Radio series: “American Stages: Flexible Theater Design and Audience Intimacy.”

DAVID LOWERY (CO-PRODUCER/EDITOR)
A TFPF recipient for his short film “The Outlaw Son” and upcoming feature, “St. Nick,” David is primarily a writer and director who is equally passionate about film editing. He has edited James M. Johnston’s “Mere Acquaintance” and “Deadroom,” where he worked closely with Yen. David was also a finalist for the Sundance Screenwriting Lab and participated in the Berlinale Talent Campus.

SAMUEL CASAS (SOUND DESIGNER)
Samuel is a professional sound mixer at Lime Studios in Santa Monica. He has worked on commercials for Volkswagen, American Express, Ford, and USA Networks.

STEPHAN ALTMAN (COMPOSER)
Stephan is lead composer and creative director at Venice Beach, CA-based Mophonics, a boutique music production house creating original music for brands, artists, and film. His first feature film score was for Alejandro Gomez Moneverde’s “Bella,” winner of the People’s Choice Award at the Toronto International Film Festival. He has also composed music for many national and international TV campaign spots for Apple, Visa, Verizon Wireless, Adidas, and Pepsi.

GLEN WALSH (MUSIC SUPERVISOR)
During his volunteer tenure at KCRW, Glen co-promoted a successful and long-running progressive dance music night in Los Angeles’ Westside. As a music supervisor with an encyclopedic knowledge of contemporary music, he has worked on several commercials for Apple, Visa, Adidas, and Nike. Born and raised in the south side of Santa Monica (otherwise known as Dogtown), Glen is also a seasoned surfer fond of executing complex longboard tricks through shark-infested waters.

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‘CIAO” Running Time: 87 minutes, in color, 35mm aspect ratio 1.85, U.S. theatrical exhibition formats: HDCam, Digital Betacam, aspect ratio 1.78 (16×9), in English, Rated R for language including sexual references

Category: Art, Blogging, Festivals, Film, Homosexuality, Hot Lists, Introspection, Men, New Releases, Personal, Production Notes, Relationships, Social Issues, Spoilers, The O List, Writing 2 Comments

A New Day Has Come

November

Albert

President-Elect Barack Obama and the First Family

I have voted in every election that I have been eligible to vote in since I earned the right. No election night has ever been as exciting or fulfilling for me as November 4, 2008.

The announcement of President-Elect Barack Obama’s victory as I watched the returns on CNN is a moment I am sure will stay with me until the day I die. It was a moment that saw the path of a personal journey intersect with a historical and political crossroad.

On a personal level, I have never been as involved or invested in a political journey. As a life-long Democrat, it’s not always been easy to be at the losing end of some very complicated and controversial campaigns. As someone who grew so disillusioned after eight years of the Bush Administration, I began this cycle staunchly supporting Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton for this Land’s highest office. As that possibility faded, I felt compelled to join the Obama camp and put as much effort as I could into believing in the change he promised. For over a year, I’ve devoted time and resources to doing what I can to be a spoke in the wheel of change. It’s been exhilarating. It’s been terrifying. It’s been a white-knuckle, thrill-a-minute ride.

Last night, that prelude to a new journey came to a conclusion with a memorable speech delivered by President-Elect Obama in Grant Park in Chicago. Listening to his measured and comforting words, I couldn’t help but be choked with emotion and filled with a belief that things like hope and change are still possible in a cynical and bitter world. It was a moment, I had hoped and prayed for. At the same time, it was a moment I had a slight fear would never come to fruition. When he spoke of Ann Nixon Cooper, the tears finally came.

What an Obama victory means in terms of the promise of a new direction for this country is truly exciting. My faith in his sincerity and dedication to duty has only been shored by his conviction and calm nature. It’s as if we are starting a new chapter in the history of this country. A chapter that has yet to be written–but a chapter that is not shackled to special interests or a singular segment of the population. It’s a story that we are all going to have a hand in crafting. A new journey that will be led by a man who will be the catalyst of change that he has promised.

I am excited. I am truly filled with hope. I feel a renewed faith in my country that has long been missing–a fact that has truly saddened me. Words like “change” and “yes we can” suddenly seem to have renewed meaning. They hold a promise of a future that many of us had hoped for, but never let ourselves dream of.

Yet, on November 5, 2008, that dream has dawned with a new day.

Category: Blogging, History, Introspection, News, Personal, Politics, The O List, Writing Leave a Comment

Write To Marry Day

October

Albert

Write To Marry...Vote NO on Proposition 8

“Marriage is the most enduring and important human institution, honored and encouraged in all cultures and by every religious faith. Ages of experience have taught us that the commitment of a husband and a wife to love and to serve one another promotes the welfare of children and the stability of society. Marriage cannot be cut off from its cultural, religious, and natural roots without weakening this good influence on society. Government, by recognizing and protecting marriage, serves the interests of all.”

“Unfortunately, activist judges and some local officials have made an aggressive attempt to redefine marriage in recent years. Since 2004, state courts in Washington, California, Maryland, and New York have overturned laws protecting marriage in those states. And in Nebraska, a federal judge overturned a state constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage.”

“An amendment to the Constitution is necessary because activist courts have left our Nation with no other choice.”—President George W. Bush, weekly radio address 2006

Imagine if you will a place and time: Continuing military invasion of Iraq, Financial Markets In Crises; Government Bailouts On A Bursting National Debt; Sarah Palin, The Greenhouse Effect, Poverty, Election Fraud, Socialism & Marxism As Political Fear Tactics, FEMA Failure, Arctic Drilling, Oil, U.S. Military Genocide, Border Fences, Immigration, Terrorism, Trade Imbalance, Inflation, Unemployment, Medicare Bureaucracy, Nuclear Proliferation, AIDS, Wiretapping, Racism, Hate Crimes and Proposition 8. I guess it’s not too hard to imagine since it’s a cursory look at a complex snapshot in time of our country at present.

On November 4th, not only will this country pick a new leader, but Californians will make a major statement about hate and discrimination against LGBT individuals when they cast their ballots on the fate of Proposition 8. A “yes” vote on Proposition 8 will basically eliminate a fundamental right of same-sex marriage.

Where do I even begin? I’ve said in the past that I personally do not have a strong stance on gay marriage as it applies to me. Some find that strange and others feel betrayed. Do I hope to find love? Do I want to spend the rest of my life with the right man? Most assuredly. Do I want to get married? I’m not so sure. However, I will fight for that right for any man or woman (regardless of sexual orientation) who wishes to recognize their union in such a manner. Love is love. If a man loves a woman or loves a man, it makes him no less of a man–and certainly no less of a human being. The same is true of women.

I’m completely prepared to accept the fact that there are people in this country who do not like me solely based on the fact that I am homosexual. Your right to hate is as legitimate as my right to be. How you choose to manifest that hate is a completely different proposition.

I am a gay man. I am a gay man who is a citizen of this wonderful, if flawed, country. With that citizenship and the power of the United States Constitution I am embued with certain rights. I have the freedom of conscience, religion, thought, belief and opinion. I have inherent dignity and the right to have my dignity respected and protected. I am to understand that everyone is equal before the law and has the right to equal protection and benefit of the law. I should be able to believe that the state may not unfairly discriminate directly or indirectly against anyone on one or more grounds, including race, gender, sex, pregnancy, marital status, ethnic or social origin, color, sexual orientation, age, disability, religion, conscience, belief, culture, language and birth.

Is that really too much to ask for? Does who I love negate my rights? Does who I love diminish your rights? Does my homosexuality threaten the institution of marriage? If I were to ask a state for legal recognition of my love and partnership–something that wouldn’t raise an eyebrow if I were heterosexual–do I violate the ’sanctity’ of the institution of marriage?

In my mind, it seems so simple. Perhaps it is a self-indulgent myopia. But, I can’t help but think of the outrage my fellow citizens would have if Congress suddenly decided that a woman should no longer have the right to vote. Or Jews were no longer able to travel from state to state. Or if African Americans were no longer able to own property. Rights denied by the virtue of who the beholder is….be it sex, religion, race. Many will cry foul. They will say these examples are not the equivalent of the gay marriage issue. But, stop and ask yourself, what is the difference? The fact is that the woman, Jew, African American and homosexual are all human beings who simply wanted to be treated and afforded protections their fellow citizens take for granted.

I am alternately embarrassed and appalled that the country I live in so threatened by what happens in the privacy of my own bedroom and home. I only seek the respect I reserve for every single person I call fellow citizen. Nothing More. Nothing Less.

I will close with one last indulgence. If I may, for the moment, bastardize the words of William Shakespeare’s Shylock:

“I am a homosexual. Hath not a homosexual eyes? hath not a homosexual hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as a heterosexual is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison us, do we not die? and if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that.”

===============

Please consider providing your monetary support to the effort to defeat Proposition 8 on the California ballot. It is an issue that affects us all–not just Californians. To defeat this push for legalized discrimation, the campaign against the proposition needs to give the facts to the voters of California via print, radio and television. That is where you can help. Please visit the Act Blue Page.

For those of you who vote in California: Don’t Stop at the Top! Propositions are at the bottom of the ballot; Also consider volunteering to help with Get Out The Vote efforts on the No On 8’s Netroots page.

Category: Blogging, Data, Homosexuality, Hot Lists, Introspection, Legal, News, Personal, Politics, Relationships, Religion, Sexuality, Social Issues, The O List, Workplace, Writing 2 Comments

Abating, Debating, Dating, Mating & Other Variations

October

Albert

abating, debating, dating, mating & other variations

Last night’s second Presidential debate was supposed to be a Town Hall forum by design. Somehow, apparently no one but Tom Brokaw was aware of that fact. I watched the debate on CNN and it was certainly a tale of two men. The odd thing is that this election is winding down with a decided lack of spark and crackle one would normally expect as the calendar winds down quickly to that fateful November day.

Senator Obama was on the whole just fine. No major stumbles or gaffes. I see a man who truly believes what he is saying–and for the most part, I find in what he is saying a necessary change that this country desperately needs. Eight years have proven what has gone wrong, and frankly, we can’t afford another (at least) four years of the same philosophies Senator McCain seems so entrenched in. Do I feel the same confidence in either man that I did when William Jefferson Clinton was elected. No. Sadly, no. But, with the choices as they are, it is clear to me that this country needs and Obama/Biden ticket to tackle the monsterous messes in Washington D.C.

Senator McCain came across as stodgy, cranky and quite disrespectful in his performance last night. You combine that with the Palin factor and I don’t see how any rational human (regardless of party affiliation) can possibly think these two people can lead this country anywhere but down the same road we’ve traveled on for far too long.

If I’m being completely honest, I think both tickets botched choices badly. But, hindsight will get you no where with political bedfellows. The beds are made. It’s time to pick one and hope you can sleep through that rough night. Perchance to dream…

==============

Dating is a curious thing. It’s such a perfunctory task (most of the time). I’ve been on enough blind dates to know that no matter how good someone’s intentions were…the result is usually a gamble of expectations.

The thing is, I’m finding myself at a place where I want (finally and again) the stability of a long-term relationship. This, of course, means that you open yourself up to the dating game and the possibilities of new people in your life. To say I’m rusty is an understatement. I’m talking full oil change, filter and lube job (not necessarily in that order). The result is what I want. The games are what we have to play.

Most of my friends (and many of the people in my life) seem to equate dating with some sort of mating ritual. Perhaps, I’ll buy the premise that a portion of the homosexual male population measure relationships with their dipsticks. But, let’s be honest. Gay, straight or otherwise, if your main objective is to get laid–it really isn’t that hard. (Okay, I hear the grumbling. Maybe I’m biased in that my trick jaw and exemplary oral skills give me a headstart. Not that I’m bragging or anything. Which I suppose is open to debate.) Leaving my silliness aside, I guess what I’m trying to say is that sure I miss the physical contact and intimacy. (If you read this blog with any regularity, you know of my on-going adventures in celibacy vs. the inner whore.) Maybe, I really do wish I could be a whore. No strings, no attachments. But, alas, I’m not that kind of guy.

I’m slowly coming to the conclusion (with a mountain of exculpatory anecdotes) that gay or straight, love in the twenty-first century is still a complicated beast. And like that lion in a circus cage, we silly mortals still want it to jump through hoops for our own entertainment.

So I’ve been on a few dates. I’ve had some lovely conversations and dinners–and a couple of uncomfortable “this is totally not working” moments. I love men. I loathe men. I like my sex drive. I loathe my sex drive. I love my standards. I loathe my standards.

I envy all of my friends who are in loving, committed relationships (most of them with just one person). Those Pet Shop Boys may sing that “Love Comes Quickly”, but I beg to differ. Men come quickly (often too quickly–but that another post for another day). Love comes when it damn well pleases.

I’m trying to be okay with the fact that I’m 43 and still waiting for its arrival. I’ve been fortunate to have love (or some semblance thereof) in the past. Then came a period where I just wasn’t having it (and it was the right decision for the time). Now, I’m past debating. Past waiting. Past feeling myself up (sorry for the mental scars). Yet, I’m a picky bastard.

I’m ready, willing and (surprisingly) able. But, damn, if my legs aren’t staying together until the right sailor comes along.

===============

Honestly, I’m not sure what that (the above section) was all about. I need to stop watching pornos called “Campus Pizza” before I try to go to bed. Or maybe, I need to order a pizza delivery guy…er, pizza.

As someone far, far wiser than I once exclaimed, “Fuck Me!”. Oh, vey….ain’t that the truth.

Category: Blogging, Humor, Introspection, Men, News, Personal, Politics, Porn, Relationships, Sexuality, Social Issues, Television, The O List, Writing One Comment

imPALINing

October

Albert

There are so many things I could say about last night’s Vice-Presidential debate. So many.

I forced myself to watch the entire thing–and much of the talking-head analysis of various networks. In my mind there was a clear victor (not her)–on points, on style, on command.

Realizing that these things are always judged through a partisan lens and violent spin, I am sure there is a vocal (right-wing) crowd who is going to do their best to laud Ms. Palin’s performance. (Let’s face it: What other choice do they have? Admit that McCain made the wrong pick?)

I personally don’t buy her “aw, shucks” demeanor. Maybe it’s real. Maybe it’s not. But the one thought I couldn’t shake during the entire debate was, “if something happens to McCain, this woman will be the President of the United States”.

There were times I wanted to laugh. There were times I wanted to scream at my television (and did). There were times I was infuriated that she didn’t answer Ms. Iful’s questions. There were times I was mystified that her answers magically returned to the same “talking points”. There were times I was frustrated. But, that thought. That thought was there in the back of my head the entire time–and it trumped everything else I felt.

That single thought reverberated, louder and louder. And I was scared.

No, make that utterly terrified.

This is the most vital election of my lifetime–and I would argue–yours. And if that one single thought that haunted me the entire debate doesn’t scare the holy shit out of you, I suggest you pray to whichever god you like and ask them to pray for us.

For this November, it may not matter who can pronounce “nuclear” correctly.

Category: Blogging, Exhibitions, Geektique, Introspection, News, Personal, Politics, Social Issues, Television, The O List, Writing One Comment

Monday, Monday…Sometimes It Just Turns Out That Way

August

Albert

Today is a mixed bag of this-and that:

01. My Beijing Olympics hard-on has continued without abatement. (If your erection lasts longer than four hours, contact your physician immediately.) I now know more about kayaking, field hockey and synchronized swimming than any one gay man should know. But, I just cannot get enough.

02. Is it wrong that I basically want to sleep with the entire U.S. men’s Olympic water polo team? (And by sleep with, I mean, no such thing.) I am such a slut for men in Speedos. (Though, honestly, I would demand they take those caps off.)

03. I’ve come to the conclusion that I want Dan, Renny or Memphis to win Big Brother 10. I’m also pretty sure I want to sleep with (see above) Memphis and Dan–at least once.

04. Why is it when I am invited to a nice, friendly cocktail party, I am invariably the guy that the supposedly straight one will hit on? While I’ve been known to take in a stray puppy or cat now and then, I really have to draw the line at men who don’t know which side of that line they’re on. (That’s not to say I haven’t exchanged saliva with one or two “straight” guys. I mean, I am charitable.)

05. I’m really so OVER the whole McCain v. Obama rigmarole. I don’t think I’ve ever been as disillusioned with U.S. politics as I am currently. I know deep down I don’t mean this, but as it is now…GWB might as well just vacation in the White House when his turn is over.

06. The new blood-drenched teaser on Showtime Too for the third season of ‘Dexter’ is sublimely wicked. I await the Season 2 DVD set with serial-bated breath.

07. I hope your Monday is filled with complete surprises and good things. We all could use a good thing about now.