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Use Somebody…

In two days, my odometer does its annual rollover. I’ll be 44. I like the symmetry.

Of late I’ve been ruminating on men and relationships, life and love. I suppose it’s natural that birthdays always seem to trigger some nostalgia wrapped in the sheer organza of regret. My last relationship made two things very clear to me: One, I really needed some “alone” time; and, two, I was craving independence and solitude.

The interesting thing about the solitude of freedom is that there is a very fine line between its ecstasy and the thoroughfare of loneliness. A fortress of solitude, of your own making, can at times be a cage that is bulletproof. I think I’ve overstayed my welcome in solitude.

For the first time (in quite some time), I really yearn to be two. I think this is both a sign of growth and weariness. At 44, I feel like I’m at a literal and figurative half-way point. Call it what you will–a fork in the road, a choice of closed doors, a jump into the exhilirating terror of the unknown. I’m ready.

Of course, saying it…and doing it are separated by seconds and days. That’s the scary part. I’m not afraid of exposing myself any longer. In fact, it almost feels like a perverse thrill. To get to that one thing…that one place…that one man is a journey and exploration I find myself craving.

While I’ve said numerous times that I don’t think I’ll ever fully “grow-up”, I think for the first time in my life I feel like an adult male. (Yeah, like it only took 44 years…I know…) I’m a man who could use somebody. I’m a somebody who wants love and the forever after that always seemed so elusive.

It’s my birthday. It’s my love. And for the first time in a very long time, I want it all.

Advocating…

April 20, 2009 (LOS ANGELES)The Advocate and Advocate.com, the world’s leading multi-platform news provider directly targeting the LGBT audience, successfully implemented a new print and online strategy now accessing millions of gay and lesbian consumers globally. According to a recent article in “The Business Insider,” of 249 major magazines tracked by a Magazine Publishers of America study, The Advocate was one of only 28 titles to bring in more revenue in the first quarter of 2009 than it did in the first quarter of 2008. During the first quarter of 2009 The Advocate saw a 12.5% increase in revenue over first quarter 2008. In addition, The Advocate has seen an increase in ad pages, bucking an industry-wide trend. The website’s unique visitors and page views also continue to grow on a monthly basis.

“No other LGBT media company currently creates the vast array of original, award-winning content across a variety of platforms targeted exclusively to the gay and lesbian consumer,” said Stephen Macias, Executive Vice President and General Manager of The Advocate’s parent company, Regent Media. “Advertisers come to The Advocate confident their product is being associated with the best brand in gay media. We speak directly to our diverse community on a daily basis.”

In early 2008 The Advocate transitioned from a biweekly to a monthly format. The first monthly edition of The Advocate landed on newsstands in January 2009. The new monthly Advocate print publication, recently nominated by the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) as Outstanding Magazine Overall Coverage for its 2009 Media Awards, inspires LGBT consumers to continue the conversation about the headlines most important to the community. Early retail sales figures for the January and February issues of The Advocate have seen a noted increase in bookstore sales, including Barnes & Noble.

As The Advocate moved to publishing monthly, Advocate.com quickly became the daily news source for the global gay and lesbian consumer. Nominated for a GLAAD Media Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism Article, Advocate.com reports up-to-the-minute news throughout the day, keeping consumers returning to the site throughout their day.

Keeping up with technology trends, the highly trafficked Advocate.com features professionally produced video content. Having spotlighted such diverse topics as the 2008 campaign for marriage equality in California and an exclusive interview with Olympic gold medalist Matthew Mitcham to in-depth travel guides for cities across the globe, these new video segments provide exciting opportunities for advertisers to reach the LGBT audience. Now, for the first time in the website’s history, Advocate.com offers pre-roll video to its clients. During the first two months of 2009 alone, Advocate.com’s video views have increased by 1000%. Additionally, page views on the website increased more than 35% over the past eight months.

As numbers grow both digitally and in print, the multi-platform sales strategies The Advocate team implements give advertisers direct access to the coveted LGBT audience. Recognizing the buying power of the gay consumer, an eclectic group of clients including The Campbell’s Soup Company, Kaiser Permanente, Subaru, and, most recently, Progressive Insurance have launched aggressive campaigns with The Advocate brands. Lifetime Television already reaped success from this new initiative with a successful multi-platform campaign for their critically acclaimed original film Prayers for Bobby, starring Sigourney Weaver.

These 360-degree campaigns bridge the various Advocate properties and offer advertising targeted exclusively to millions of LGBT homes in print, with online banners, and Web-based video. Additionally, advertisers benefit from added-value initiatives such as premium placement at LGBT-targeted consumer events, where the client’s products receive the undivided attention of a captivated, taste-making audience.

The Advocate is currently available to consumers as a monthly publication via subscription or by logging on to its award-winning website at www.advocate.com. The Advocate is sold in Barnes & Noble, Borders, Walden Books, and other major bookstore chains, as well as in major supermarket and drug store chains including Ralph’s, Safeway, Krogers, Target, and CVS.

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About The Advocate:
Celebrating over 40 years in print this year, The Advocate is the world’s leading gay publication of record. As of 2009, the magazine reports monthly on news, politics, business, medical issues, and arts & entertainment. Hailed by The Washington Post as the “standard of gay journalism,” The Advocate distributes almost four million copies each year. Please visit The Advocate.

The Myth of Armor

Perhaps it’s something you discover with age. Perhaps it’s something we all find out in our own time. Perhaps it’s something some never discover.

We are creatures of habit. We are creatures guided by an instinctual goal of self-preservation. While disappointment becomes a fact of life early on, the acceptance of personal weakness is (for most) a bitter pill to swallow. It’s so much easier to pretend we all go through life with a perpetual suit of armor–a shell to protect our ever so delicate skin.

What one’s personal weakness is can be varied and cut a wide swath across many levels. Be they weaknesses of flesh, tears, blood, vice, et.al.–we all have them. But for too many, acknowledging that weakness–and perhaps learning to embrace it–is an exercise of uncomfortable self-examination.

Recently, I told someone that no matter how well he wore his suit of armor–there were always areas of vulnerability. No matter how well-intentioned and carefully constructed that breastplate you wear is, there are always chinks waiting to betray you at the most inopportune moments. The messy business–flesh, blood, tears, heart–is always waiting for the smallest fissure to leak out onto the floor and remind you. Remind you that no matter how many walls or suits you build, the vulnerability is always lurking.

It is when you are frayed–nerves exposed, heart squeezed, flesh ripped–you need to stand in front of a mirror (whether it be literal or figurative). The weakness does not betray you. It is part and parcel of the man in the mirror. In the end, we all face slings and arrows. We all bare our soul to those we trust. Sometimes, that trust is misplaced and the consequences are indeed messy.

It is my contention that the “mess” is what makes us strong. Dealing with the aftermath is the true test of character and infailability. Dry the tears. Wipe up the blood. Never regret the weakness. Never hide the weakness. It is. Just like you.

The armor is a myth. My arms around your chest are strong. My shoulder where your tears fall is steady. My kiss on your wounds are bandages. You don’t have to be a tin man for me. This flawed man will always understand.

For I am weak…and I’m okay with that….

Happy Holidays!

It almost seems unbelievable that 2008 is quickly drawing to a close. It was as if we were just celebrating the turn of the century a few days ago…

Whatever shape and form your holiday celebrations take, I wanted to take a moment and wish you all Peace and Love. It’s been another terrific year for Obliquity65. Readers continue to drop by from around the world…and more importantly, they come back. Your loyalty (and faith when the posting gets lean) means more than I could ever find the right words for.

I’m looking forward to wonderful Christmas with my family at my home. I don’t think we’ll have any snow (again!), but the chill on the air is here, the lights are sparkling and the gifts await my neice and nephew. Christmas dinner is veering away from the traditional and all the baking is now completed. All the wrapping is over and the anticipation is ever-building.

Thank you for being there in more ways than I count. To all my blogging brethren, thank you for another year of entertainment–and more importantly–friendship. May you all surround yourself with loved ones and the warmth of giving and compassion. The world may wobble on its axis at times, but the kindess of the human spirit never falters. xox, A.

CIAO: Goodbye, Hello, Goodbye

[***NOTICE: The following entry contains key plot details, review information and production details from the upcoming film 'CIAO'. If you do not wish to have an advance notice, please skip this entry. Thank you.***]

‘Ciao’ is a film about death, loss, pain and mourning. ‘Ciao’ is also a film about discovery, hope and the capacity of the human spirit. It is at once haunting and heartbreaking, profound and illuminating.

If that seems in the least bit contradictory, it’s part of what makes the film such a genuinely beautiful constructed ode to loss. I had the immense privilege to watch an advance screener of the Regent Releasing film last night. Writers Yen Tan (also the Director) and Alessandro Calzo (also co-star) have written one of the most beautiful films about loss that I have ever seen.


Mr. Alessandro Calza

From the opening minutes which are framed by repeated shots of e-mail compositions and a man’s day-to-day routine, the sense of quiet and powerful discovery is set in motion. Tan’s choice to use his actor’s silence as part of the dialog is a brilliant choice. We are forced to watch more closely and keenly. The two leads are amazing beautiful–and talented–men. In the faces of Jeff (Adam Neal Smith) and Andrea (Alessandro Calza), the director has two expressive canvases–and I was riveted by every flick of an eye, strained neck muscle and delicate nuance of two men who come to know one another in the most difficult of circumstances.


Mr. Adam Neal Smith

The story is beautifully told, superbly acted and brilliantly filmed. There are some gloriously beautiful framing shots in this film. A special mention must be made of the work of Director of Photography Michael Victor Roy’s work–it’s truly sublime. The words of Tan and Calza are sparse, yet powerful in resonance. The acting of Smith and Calza is first-rate. I could not give a bigger recommendation to see this film as soon as you can.

‘Ciao’ will open on a staggered schedule beginning December 5, 2008 in New York City at the Landmark Sunshine. It will roll out through January and beyond. You’ll probably have to a bit of work to find, but do NOT miss this one. Currently the film is scheduled to play:

December 5th–New York City, Landmark Sunshine
December 12th–San Francisco, Landmark Lumiere
December 19th–Boston, Landmark One Kendall Square
December 19th–Denver, Starz Film Center
December 26th–Los Angeles, Laemmle’s Sunset 5
January 2nd–Ft. Lauderdale, Sunrise Gateway
January 9th–San Diego, Landmark Hillcrest
January 16th–Portland, Living Room Theaters
January 30th–Philadelphia, Landmark Ritz at the Bourse
February 13th–Atlanta, Landmark Midtown Art Cinema

SHORT SYNOPSIS:

‘CIAO’ beautifully explores the difficult path to accepting loss amidst the hope of new beginnings. This somber and touching modern love story focuses on the incidental friendship between two strangers living in two different parts of the world. Their connection is sparked by the unexpected loss of a mutual friend, Mark. When Jeff (Adam Neal Smith) is left in charge of handling Mark’s possessions and tying up loose ends he stumbles upon one of Mark’s email conversations with Mark’s online Italian romance, Andrea (Allesandro Calza, who also co-wrote the screenplay) and must tell him the bad news. With a trip already booked, Andrea decides to come and learn more about his recently departed friend. What begins as a tragedy that links two strangers from different ends of the world becomes a deeply realized friendship that may change their lives forever.

DIRECTOR’S STATEMENT:

In May of 2003 I received an email from Alessandro, a web designer in Genoa, Italy. He wanted to tell me how much he enjoyed my first feature film ‘Happy Birthday.’ This sparked off a series of long, platonic correspondence that continues to this day. It all seemed rather “84 Charing Cross Road;” the Helene Haniff true-life novel that was then adapted into a film starring Anne Bancroft as the book-loving writer in New York City whose letters with a bookseller in London, played by Anthony Hopkins, spanned over two decades. Like Ms Haniff and Frank Doel (albeit cruder and gayer), the emails between Alessandro and I seemed endless; conversations went on and on about everything and nothing. We were like two friends chatting non-stop from dusk till dawn, occasionally sharing a favorite song via MP3 attachment.

It wasn’t long before the idea struck me: a simple story about two people who eventually meet after corresponding with each other over a period of time. There’s an Italian (Andrea) and an American (Mark). They write each other. They meet. They have witty conversations over candlelight dinners. A romantic comedy ensues? Something about this set-up bugged me: it was too superficial, too lighthearted, too gag-inducing for my taste. But what if something happened to the American prior to their meeting? Like he died in a tragic car accident? Yes! Exit Mark, enter Jeff. Jeff was good friends with Mark and has no idea that Andrea, the foreigner, is coming to visit. We now have intrigue in the premise.

I bounced the initial draft off Alessandro. After all, I had based Andrea on him and I wanted to avoid the Oliver Martinez cliché: the American’s eroticized idea of the passionate European with an accent who can kiss like there’s no tomorrow. Which, in retrospect, was exactly the kind of Italian I presented in the first draft. As I got to know Alessandro better on a more personal level and spoke to him on the phone several times, I gradually refined the character, which consequentially made me define the gist of the story even more. I came to realize that the film is about grief. It is about the birth of a relationship upon the death of another.

Two years and ten drafts later, ‘Ciao’ has been shaped into an emotionally astute screenplay about the incidental friendship between two strangers living in two different parts of the world. Their connection is linked by the unexpected loss of a mutual friend. One has been with him for many years; the other has never even met him, but may have gotten to know him on a more intimate level through the emails exchanged. How would these two people behave when they met? What would they say to each other? In which ways do they mourn?

I’ve been meaning to keep a daily journal through production but alas, physical and mental exhaustion have prevented me from partaking in the ritual. There was a tad of laziness involved, also, but hey, a man can only work so hard. Returning to the day job after the shoot was difficult and surreal. Difficult because life doesn’t feel the same anymore. Surreal because everything that happened before feels like a distant dream.

We wrapped on a Friday morning, shooting a pivotal love scene between Jeff and Andrea that turned out marvelously. I won’t go into details about what took place but I was quite enamored and entranced by what I witnessed. The moment I recalled vividly occurred right after we rolled on the first take and before I yelled “Action!” I had requested that we play a two minute excerpt from Aphex Twin’s “Nanou 2”, with the idea of setting a tone for the actors. Adam had his eyes closed; Alessandro was watching him. At one point, Alessandro reached over to fix a crease in Adam’s tank top. It was an unexpectedly maternal gesture that accentuated what followed. I was profoundly moved.

Over the weekend, I went back to unit 7, the condo we rented to shoot a majority of the film in, for some cleaning and tidying before we turned the keys back to the landlord. Alessandro assisted me later to take out bags of trash that had accumulated over the past three weeks. We sat in the living room after and talked. Everything we said boiled down to “this is sad”. It was sad. Production was over. People had gone back home. All there was left was emptiness.

One of the unexpected stylistic elements that I discovered in the course of filming was my fascination with negative space. It was very Ozuesque: a sense of not wanting to leave the environment we were in. I did this in numerous scenes; requesting the actors delay their action in entering the frame at the beginning of the shot or not cutting the end of it until the actors have cleared the frame for several seconds after. None of this really caught up to me emotionally until I returned to unit 7 again. That was when it all clicked. The theme of the film became crystal clear: it was about our yearning to stay. To remain. To never part.

As much as I thought I was gonna collapse in the strenuous midst of production, I didn’t really want this whole experience to end. Something about the idea of moving on really disturbs me now. One morning in week two, I woke up with a pillow held tightly in my arms. I believe I cried in my sleep the night before. I still don’t know what I was holding on to.

CAST:

ADAM NEAL SMITH
Focusing primarily on sports through his teenage years, Adam’s interest in film and the craft of acting did not develop until adulthood. As a history major at the University of North Texas, Adam took an introductory acting class to meet the requirement for a fine arts credit. He was hooked immediately. Within a year after graduation from UNT, Adam relocated to Los Angeles and formed a band, The Ethels. He then joined The 68 Cent Crew Theater Company, where he performed as Billy D. during a six-month run of Samuel Shem’s Bill W. and Dr. Bob and co-wrote the play, “On the Brink.” Additionally, Adam signed on to take the role of Homer Morris in the traveling children’s show “The Morris Brothers.” The show sparked an interest in improvisation, which he nurtured by enrolling at Los Angeles’ Second City conservatory. Meanwhile, he and his friend Gordon Bash composed the score for Eric Wolfson’s feature film, “Callback.”

ALESSANDRO CALZA
Alessandro is a prolific new media designer based in Genoa, Italy. He has produced websites and print materials for Nokia, KLM, Bausch & Lomb, Motorola, and Lionsgate Films. Prior to that, his interest in costume design led him to an acting audition at Teatro Stabile, where he was chosen as one of the twenty finalists to be considered for admission at the distinguished acting school.

CHARLES W. BLAUM
Charles was discovered by Yen in a newspaper article about the Dallas Diablos, a gay rugby league he co-founded. He remains an active member of the organization and is also an avid karaoke singer.

ETHEL LUNG
Ethel had a lead role in Yen’s award-winning “Happy Birthday.” She has since been working in Los Angeles and is a member of the 68 Cent Crew Theater Company. Ethel has also appeared in a series of international commercials for Nokia and Allianz Insurance.

FILM MAKERS:

YEN TAN (CO-WRITER/DIRECTOR)
Born and raised in Malaysia, Yen’s first short film, “Love Stories” had a successful run at North American film festivals and was voted one of the six “Best of Fest” selections at the Dallas Video Festival. His debut feature, “Happy Birthday”, screened at numerous film festivals worldwide. The film also won the Grand Jury Prize for Best Feature at the Philadelphia Gay and Lesbian International Film Festival, and Yen was subsequently awarded the New Directors Showcase at the Portland GLBT Film Festival. Happy Birthday was acquired by TLA Releasing. Yen contributed a segment to the acclaimed omnibus film “Deadroom,” which premiered at the South by Southwest Film Festival, then played the Cleveland International Film Festival and the Philadelphia Film Festival. The directorial joint venture was given a Director’s Award for Best Narrative Feature at the Texas Film Festival. Concurrently, Yen was featured as one of the “20 Great Dallasites” in the 20th anniversary edition of the Dallas Voice. He has earned praises from esteemed author and critic Michael Bronski, who considered “Happy Birthday” “a work of intelligence and deep emotional sensibility.” “Trick” and “Queer as Folk” screenwriter Jason Schafer also commended Yen for having “a recognizable voice and a developed style this early in his career.” In addition to “Ciao,” Yen also wrote the Sundance Screenwriting Lab semi-finalist, “Pit Stop.”

JIM McMAHON (PRODUCER)
Jim met Yen while working on the set of the feature drama “Wedded Bliss?” where he worked as a Gaffer and Yen was an Assistant Director. Since then, they have built a close friendship and professional bond. Intensely focused, Jim has produced two feature films in the past three years while building strong relationships in all aspects of production, distribution, and exhibition. Currently working as a Post-Production Producer for a successful ad agency in Los Angeles, he frequently works on commercial projects with a total production budget of $500,000-$1,000,000. His directorial debut, a thriller entitled “Bloodshed,” premiered at the Dead by Dawn Film Festival in Scotland and subsequently gained immediate sales representation through Strategic Film Partners and Spotlight Pictures. It has done quite well at the European Film Market and is expected to gross 500% over the initial production budget. Also an accomplished Director of Photography, Jim has shot three feature films: “Deadroom” (which he also Executive Produced), “Mere Acquaintance”, and “Prison-A-Go-Go!”

JAMES M. JOHNSTON (CO-PRODUCER)
James has been making independent films for about eight years, primarily as a writer, producer, and director. His works include “Mere Acquaintance,” “Deadroom,” “GDMF,” and his latest, “Merrily, Merrily.” He did not attend film school and took his first fateful step towards filmmaking by volunteering to work on an ultra low-budget film. From there, he kept working on films in various roles and this is how he collected a great group of friends and collaborators that he works with on a regular basis. When not working on films, he is Executive Chef for his wife Amy McNutt’s award-winning vegan restaurant, Spiral Diner & Bakery.
MICHAEL VICTOR ROY (DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY)
Michael graduated from the USC School of Cinema and Television Production and has been working as both a Gaffer and a Chief Lighting Technician of independent film productions. With over twenty feature credits, including Adrienne Shelly’s “Waitress” and “An American Crime” with Catherine Keener, Michael has begun to concentrate his efforts on cinematography. In addition to “Ciao,” his current projects include “Mortals,” an intimate drama based on the writings of celebrated author Tobias Wolfe, and “Waste Land,” a feature length documentary film addressing the ramifications of a “throwaway” society.

CLARE FLOYD DEVRIES (PRODUCTION DESIGNER)
Winner of several Column Awards for her theater set designs; Clare was honored with the Dallas Theater League’s Leon Rabin Award for Watertower Theatre’s acclaimed “Sweeney Todd.” Since then, she’s been nominated for four shows: “Enchanted April,” “It Ain’t Nothin’ But the Blues,” “The Crucible,” and “Urinetown: the Musical;” where she won for “Enchanted” and “Urinetown.” The Dallas Morning News singled her out for an Arts Day profile, calling her “arguably Dallas’ best set designer.” More recently, she was interviewed as part of the National Public Radio series: “American Stages: Flexible Theater Design and Audience Intimacy.”

DAVID LOWERY (CO-PRODUCER/EDITOR)
A TFPF recipient for his short film “The Outlaw Son” and upcoming feature, “St. Nick,” David is primarily a writer and director who is equally passionate about film editing. He has edited James M. Johnston’s “Mere Acquaintance” and “Deadroom,” where he worked closely with Yen. David was also a finalist for the Sundance Screenwriting Lab and participated in the Berlinale Talent Campus.

SAMUEL CASAS (SOUND DESIGNER)
Samuel is a professional sound mixer at Lime Studios in Santa Monica. He has worked on commercials for Volkswagen, American Express, Ford, and USA Networks.

STEPHAN ALTMAN (COMPOSER)
Stephan is lead composer and creative director at Venice Beach, CA-based Mophonics, a boutique music production house creating original music for brands, artists, and film. His first feature film score was for Alejandro Gomez Moneverde’s “Bella,” winner of the People’s Choice Award at the Toronto International Film Festival. He has also composed music for many national and international TV campaign spots for Apple, Visa, Verizon Wireless, Adidas, and Pepsi.

GLEN WALSH (MUSIC SUPERVISOR)
During his volunteer tenure at KCRW, Glen co-promoted a successful and long-running progressive dance music night in Los Angeles’ Westside. As a music supervisor with an encyclopedic knowledge of contemporary music, he has worked on several commercials for Apple, Visa, Adidas, and Nike. Born and raised in the south side of Santa Monica (otherwise known as Dogtown), Glen is also a seasoned surfer fond of executing complex longboard tricks through shark-infested waters.

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‘CIAO” Running Time: 87 minutes, in color, 35mm aspect ratio 1.85, U.S. theatrical exhibition formats: HDCam, Digital Betacam, aspect ratio 1.78 (16×9), in English, Rated R for language including sexual references

A New Day Has Come

I have voted in every election that I have been eligible to vote in since I earned the right. No election night has ever been as exciting or fulfilling for me as November 4, 2008.

The announcement of President-Elect Barack Obama’s victory as I watched the returns on CNN is a moment I am sure will stay with me until the day I die. It was a moment that saw the path of a personal journey intersect with a historical and political crossroad.

On a personal level, I have never been as involved or invested in a political journey. As a life-long Democrat, it’s not always been easy to be at the losing end of some very complicated and controversial campaigns. As someone who grew so disillusioned after eight years of the Bush Administration, I began this cycle staunchly supporting Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton for this Land’s highest office. As that possibility faded, I felt compelled to join the Obama camp and put as much effort as I could into believing in the change he promised. For over a year, I’ve devoted time and resources to doing what I can to be a spoke in the wheel of change. It’s been exhilarating. It’s been terrifying. It’s been a white-knuckle, thrill-a-minute ride.

Last night, that prelude to a new journey came to a conclusion with a memorable speech delivered by President-Elect Obama in Grant Park in Chicago. Listening to his measured and comforting words, I couldn’t help but be choked with emotion and filled with a belief that things like hope and change are still possible in a cynical and bitter world. It was a moment, I had hoped and prayed for. At the same time, it was a moment I had a slight fear would never come to fruition. When he spoke of Ann Nixon Cooper, the tears finally came.

What an Obama victory means in terms of the promise of a new direction for this country is truly exciting. My faith in his sincerity and dedication to duty has only been shored by his conviction and calm nature. It’s as if we are starting a new chapter in the history of this country. A chapter that has yet to be written–but a chapter that is not shackled to special interests or a singular segment of the population. It’s a story that we are all going to have a hand in crafting. A new journey that will be led by a man who will be the catalyst of change that he has promised.

I am excited. I am truly filled with hope. I feel a renewed faith in my country that has long been missing–a fact that has truly saddened me. Words like “change” and “yes we can” suddenly seem to have renewed meaning. They hold a promise of a future that many of us had hoped for, but never let ourselves dream of.

Yet, on November 5, 2008, that dream has dawned with a new day.

Write To Marry Day

“Marriage is the most enduring and important human institution, honored and encouraged in all cultures and by every religious faith. Ages of experience have taught us that the commitment of a husband and a wife to love and to serve one another promotes the welfare of children and the stability of society. Marriage cannot be cut off from its cultural, religious, and natural roots without weakening this good influence on society. Government, by recognizing and protecting marriage, serves the interests of all.”

“Unfortunately, activist judges and some local officials have made an aggressive attempt to redefine marriage in recent years. Since 2004, state courts in Washington, California, Maryland, and New York have overturned laws protecting marriage in those states. And in Nebraska, a federal judge overturned a state constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage.”

“An amendment to the Constitution is necessary because activist courts have left our Nation with no other choice.”—President George W. Bush, weekly radio address 2006

Imagine if you will a place and time: Continuing military invasion of Iraq, Financial Markets In Crises; Government Bailouts On A Bursting National Debt; Sarah Palin, The Greenhouse Effect, Poverty, Election Fraud, Socialism & Marxism As Political Fear Tactics, FEMA Failure, Arctic Drilling, Oil, U.S. Military Genocide, Border Fences, Immigration, Terrorism, Trade Imbalance, Inflation, Unemployment, Medicare Bureaucracy, Nuclear Proliferation, AIDS, Wiretapping, Racism, Hate Crimes and Proposition 8. I guess it’s not too hard to imagine since it’s a cursory look at a complex snapshot in time of our country at present.

On November 4th, not only will this country pick a new leader, but Californians will make a major statement about hate and discrimination against LGBT individuals when they cast their ballots on the fate of Proposition 8. A “yes” vote on Proposition 8 will basically eliminate a fundamental right of same-sex marriage.

Where do I even begin? I’ve said in the past that I personally do not have a strong stance on gay marriage as it applies to me. Some find that strange and others feel betrayed. Do I hope to find love? Do I want to spend the rest of my life with the right man? Most assuredly. Do I want to get married? I’m not so sure. However, I will fight for that right for any man or woman (regardless of sexual orientation) who wishes to recognize their union in such a manner. Love is love. If a man loves a woman or loves a man, it makes him no less of a man–and certainly no less of a human being. The same is true of women.

I’m completely prepared to accept the fact that there are people in this country who do not like me solely based on the fact that I am homosexual. Your right to hate is as legitimate as my right to be. How you choose to manifest that hate is a completely different proposition.

I am a gay man. I am a gay man who is a citizen of this wonderful, if flawed, country. With that citizenship and the power of the United States Constitution I am embued with certain rights. I have the freedom of conscience, religion, thought, belief and opinion. I have inherent dignity and the right to have my dignity respected and protected. I am to understand that everyone is equal before the law and has the right to equal protection and benefit of the law. I should be able to believe that the state may not unfairly discriminate directly or indirectly against anyone on one or more grounds, including race, gender, sex, pregnancy, marital status, ethnic or social origin, color, sexual orientation, age, disability, religion, conscience, belief, culture, language and birth.

Is that really too much to ask for? Does who I love negate my rights? Does who I love diminish your rights? Does my homosexuality threaten the institution of marriage? If I were to ask a state for legal recognition of my love and partnership–something that wouldn’t raise an eyebrow if I were heterosexual–do I violate the ’sanctity’ of the institution of marriage?

In my mind, it seems so simple. Perhaps it is a self-indulgent myopia. But, I can’t help but think of the outrage my fellow citizens would have if Congress suddenly decided that a woman should no longer have the right to vote. Or Jews were no longer able to travel from state to state. Or if African Americans were no longer able to own property. Rights denied by the virtue of who the beholder is….be it sex, religion, race. Many will cry foul. They will say these examples are not the equivalent of the gay marriage issue. But, stop and ask yourself, what is the difference? The fact is that the woman, Jew, African American and homosexual are all human beings who simply wanted to be treated and afforded protections their fellow citizens take for granted.

I am alternately embarrassed and appalled that the country I live in so threatened by what happens in the privacy of my own bedroom and home. I only seek the respect I reserve for every single person I call fellow citizen. Nothing More. Nothing Less.

I will close with one last indulgence. If I may, for the moment, bastardize the words of William Shakespeare’s Shylock:

“I am a homosexual. Hath not a homosexual eyes? hath not a homosexual hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as a heterosexual is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison us, do we not die? and if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that.”

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Please consider providing your monetary support to the effort to defeat Proposition 8 on the California ballot. It is an issue that affects us all–not just Californians. To defeat this push for legalized discrimation, the campaign against the proposition needs to give the facts to the voters of California via print, radio and television. That is where you can help. Please visit the Act Blue Page.

For those of you who vote in California: Don’t Stop at the Top! Propositions are at the bottom of the ballot; Also consider volunteering to help with Get Out The Vote efforts on the No On 8’s Netroots page.

Write To Marry…

(BOSTON, MA, OCTOBER 24, 2008): Bloggers around the country will participate in “Write to Marry Day” on October 29, 2008, posting on their blogs in support of marriage equality for same-sex couples and against California’s Proposition 8. Prop 8 is a measure on California’s November ballot that would take away the right of same-sex couples to marry.

The event will give bloggers a chance to voice their opposition to Prop 8 and highlight what they may have already done, online or off, to stop the measure. The campaign will also educate California voters of the need to “go all the way” down the ballot to vote on the proposition.

“Bloggers have proven themselves an effective political force,” said Mike Rogers, one of the event organizers, who runs the popular site PageOneQ and is Director of the National LGBT Blogger Initiative. “They have already helped raise awareness and money to stop Prop 8. In this last week before the election, they will play a crucial role in motivating others to take action.”

“Prop 8 is an unfair and unnecessary measure that would eliminate equal protections for same-sex couples and write discrimination into the California state Constitution,” adds co-organizer Dana Rudolph, founder of LGBT-parenting blog Mombian. “As marriage equality spreads throughout the country, people in all states have a vested interest in making sure this hard-won right is protected.”

To participate, bloggers should post on their own blogs against Prop 8 on or before October 29, 2008, then visit Mombian.com to submit the links to their posts. Links to people’s own videos on YouTube or other video sites are also accepted.

All bloggers who are against Prop 8 are welcome to contribute posts, regardless of where they live or whether they are LGBT or not. Mombian will showcase the full list of participants on October 29.

People can track this event by joining the Write to Marry event on Facebook or MySpace, or by following Mombian on Twitter.

Assistance with the event is being provided by Renna Communications and Witeck-Combs Communications, corporate sponsors of the program.

Abating, Debating, Dating, Mating & Other Variations

Last night’s second Presidential debate was supposed to be a Town Hall forum by design. Somehow, apparently no one but Tom Brokaw was aware of that fact. I watched the debate on CNN and it was certainly a tale of two men. The odd thing is that this election is winding down with a decided lack of spark and crackle one would normally expect as the calendar winds down quickly to that fateful November day.

Senator Obama was on the whole just fine. No major stumbles or gaffes. I see a man who truly believes what he is saying–and for the most part, I find in what he is saying a necessary change that this country desperately needs. Eight years have proven what has gone wrong, and frankly, we can’t afford another (at least) four years of the same philosophies Senator McCain seems so entrenched in. Do I feel the same confidence in either man that I did when William Jefferson Clinton was elected. No. Sadly, no. But, with the choices as they are, it is clear to me that this country needs and Obama/Biden ticket to tackle the monsterous messes in Washington D.C.

Senator McCain came across as stodgy, cranky and quite disrespectful in his performance last night. You combine that with the Palin factor and I don’t see how any rational human (regardless of party affiliation) can possibly think these two people can lead this country anywhere but down the same road we’ve traveled on for far too long.

If I’m being completely honest, I think both tickets botched choices badly. But, hindsight will get you no where with political bedfellows. The beds are made. It’s time to pick one and hope you can sleep through that rough night. Perchance to dream…

==============

Dating is a curious thing. It’s such a perfunctory task (most of the time). I’ve been on enough blind dates to know that no matter how good someone’s intentions were…the result is usually a gamble of expectations.

The thing is, I’m finding myself at a place where I want (finally and again) the stability of a long-term relationship. This, of course, means that you open yourself up to the dating game and the possibilities of new people in your life. To say I’m rusty is an understatement. I’m talking full oil change, filter and lube job (not necessarily in that order). The result is what I want. The games are what we have to play.

Most of my friends (and many of the people in my life) seem to equate dating with some sort of mating ritual. Perhaps, I’ll buy the premise that a portion of the homosexual male population measure relationships with their dipsticks. But, let’s be honest. Gay, straight or otherwise, if your main objective is to get laid–it really isn’t that hard. (Okay, I hear the grumbling. Maybe I’m biased in that my trick jaw and exemplary oral skills give me a headstart. Not that I’m bragging or anything. Which I suppose is open to debate.) Leaving my silliness aside, I guess what I’m trying to say is that sure I miss the physical contact and intimacy. (If you read this blog with any regularity, you know of my on-going adventures in celibacy vs. the inner whore.) Maybe, I really do wish I could be a whore. No strings, no attachments. But, alas, I’m not that kind of guy.

I’m slowly coming to the conclusion (with a mountain of exculpatory anecdotes) that gay or straight, love in the twenty-first century is still a complicated beast. And like that lion in a circus cage, we silly mortals still want it to jump through hoops for our own entertainment.

So I’ve been on a few dates. I’ve had some lovely conversations and dinners–and a couple of uncomfortable “this is totally not working” moments. I love men. I loathe men. I like my sex drive. I loathe my sex drive. I love my standards. I loathe my standards.

I envy all of my friends who are in loving, committed relationships (most of them with just one person). Those Pet Shop Boys may sing that “Love Comes Quickly”, but I beg to differ. Men come quickly (often too quickly–but that another post for another day). Love comes when it damn well pleases.

I’m trying to be okay with the fact that I’m 43 and still waiting for its arrival. I’ve been fortunate to have love (or some semblance thereof) in the past. Then came a period where I just wasn’t having it (and it was the right decision for the time). Now, I’m past debating. Past waiting. Past feeling myself up (sorry for the mental scars). Yet, I’m a picky bastard.

I’m ready, willing and (surprisingly) able. But, damn, if my legs aren’t staying together until the right sailor comes along.

===============

Honestly, I’m not sure what that (the above section) was all about. I need to stop watching pornos called “Campus Pizza” before I try to go to bed. Or maybe, I need to order a pizza delivery guy…er, pizza.

As someone far, far wiser than I once exclaimed, “Fuck Me!”. Oh, vey….ain’t that the truth.

imPALINing

There are so many things I could say about last night’s Vice-Presidential debate. So many.

I forced myself to watch the entire thing–and much of the talking-head analysis of various networks. In my mind there was a clear victor (not her)–on points, on style, on command.

Realizing that these things are always judged through a partisan lens and violent spin, I am sure there is a vocal (right-wing) crowd who is going to do their best to laud Ms. Palin’s performance. (Let’s face it: What other choice do they have? Admit that McCain made the wrong pick?)

I personally don’t buy her “aw, shucks” demeanor. Maybe it’s real. Maybe it’s not. But the one thought I couldn’t shake during the entire debate was, “if something happens to McCain, this woman will be the President of the United States”.

There were times I wanted to laugh. There were times I wanted to scream at my television (and did). There were times I was infuriated that she didn’t answer Ms. Iful’s questions. There were times I was mystified that her answers magically returned to the same “talking points”. There were times I was frustrated. But, that thought. That thought was there in the back of my head the entire time–and it trumped everything else I felt.

That single thought reverberated, louder and louder. And I was scared.

No, make that utterly terrified.

This is the most vital election of my lifetime–and I would argue–yours. And if that one single thought that haunted me the entire debate doesn’t scare the holy shit out of you, I suggest you pray to whichever god you like and ask them to pray for us.

For this November, it may not matter who can pronounce “nuclear” correctly.

Charlie’s Angels Go Gay?

\'The Q Guide To Charlie\'s Angels\'

On July 1, 2008, author Mike Pingel released his second book entitled “The Q Guide to Charlie’s Angels” via Alyson Books. The final Angel, Tanya Roberts pens the foreword of the new book.

The new “Charlie’s Angels” book offer a fun “gay” look at the 70s detective series with inside scoop from the series stars with new and exclusive interviews with the real Charlie’s Angels, Farrah Fawcett, Jaclyn Smith, Cheryl Ladd and Tanya Roberts. Uncover jiggle TV when the hair was big, the guns were hot and the teeth were bright. It should be noted that Pingel was Farrah Fawcett’s personal assistant and handled her publicity from 2005-2007.

He was with Kate, Farrah & Jaclyn when they did their appearance on the 2006 Emmy Awards show. He also can be seen in Fawcett’s hit reality show, “Chasing Farrah”.

Mike Pingel

Pingel created CharliesAngels.com, which premiered on the internet in October 1996. The site was quickly picked as the site of the day by Yahoo! and WebTV. Since 1996, the site has kept fans updated on the current works of the actresses and all the information a Charlie’s Angels fan could want.

Pingel was called upon during preparation for the 2000 Charlie’s Angels movie as a consultant with producers Leonard Goldberg and Drew Barrymore and director McG. Pingel also auditioned for the boyfriend of Natalie (Cameron Diaz) played by Luke Wilson. Pingel can be viewed in the commentary section of “Charlie’s Angels: The Complete First Season” on DVD.

Pingel is an avid collector of Charlie’s Angels memorabilia. His collection includes rare items such as the original Harry’s Angels script, a Charlie’s Angels pinball machine, Charlie’s Angels dolls, dresses, make-up sets and much, much more. His collection includes over 2,000 cool angel items including the famous Farrah Fawcett “Red Swimsuit” poster.

\'The Q Guide To Charlie\'s Angels\'

In 2006, Pingel released his first book “Angelic Heaven: A Fan’s Guide to Charlie’s Angels”. The featured forewords by Angels, Farrah Fawcett and Cheryl Ladd.

“The Q Guide to Charlie’s Angels” features new interviews with shows stars Farrah Fawcett, Jaclyn Smith, Cheryl Ladd and Tanya Roberts. “The Q Guide to Charlie’s Angels” includes the history of the show, highlighted episode breakdowns hundreds of other facts on the series and interviews with guest stars.

Pingel is writing two more “Q Guides” for Alyson Books: “The Q Guide to: TV’s Wonder Woman” (due November 1, 2008) and “The Q Guide to The Brady Bunch” (due March 2009).

“The Q Guide to Charlie’s Angels” can be purchased at books stores nationwide now or on-line at Amazon, Barnes and Noble.

i breathe

i breathe

standing on the roof
thirty stories from reality
the heat of an expired day
radiating from the blacktop

i breathe

under a thick, humid blanket
of night’s all-consuming blackness
lanced with a handful of stars
thrown by some gods far away

i breathe

the sounds of the underneath
crash into the bellowing silence
reverberating in my empty skull
blowback

i breathe

the biggest gulp of air
i’ve ever taken in
parts my wet lips
and inflates my lungs

i breathe

as it escapes
i realize it is
the same air
you breathe

i breathe

as the flavor seeps
memory is such a gas
falling harder, flatter
than my heart on the street

i breathe

—arg, 07.21.08

ἀσθενός

ἀσθενός

sensation I can’t explain
chemical conspiracy
induces chain reaction

fission in my nucleus
testosterone roils in vein
my glorious china syndrome

the wreck of everything
my core melts
through asthenosphere

inutile lust
wrapped in pixie dust
take my hand

have my heart
I’m just a man
without strength

—arg, 06.30.08

Seven Days To Save The World

Well hello Children! I’ll bet you thought I’d run away with that Russian ballet beast Sergei again? (Personally, I would have been happy to run-off with the bearded lady after the week I’ve had.)

Not to bore you with the details, but last Thursday started out as a great day. I hopped on line and played in one my communities. Then I started to tackle a lengthy list of housekeeping chores that have been demanding my undivided attention. I was a busy bee for a few hours, stopped for a quick lunch and was back on task without skipping a beat. That’s when things started to fall apart quickly. I’m still not sure if it was food poisoning or one of those delightful viral bugs, but in very short order I was flat on my back in bed going through paces with chills and then fever.

The next couple of days, I stayed in bed and basically slept. A lot. By Saturday morning, I was starting to realize I was going to live (much to the chagrin of the Russian ballet). That’s when the other shoe dropped. On Saturday morning, one of my uncles was killed in a tragic motor vehicle accident. So being physically spent was soon accompanied by mental and emotional fission.

What made it all the worse, is that very morning had been a family gathering to celebrate my great-aunt and uncle’s 50th wedding anniversay with a breakfast in their honor. I got to see many relatives that I hadn’t seen in quite a while–including my uncle. So just hours after speaking to him, he was dead.

I think we all know that life is a very risky game. You never quite know what the next roll of the dice is going to drop on your doorstep. Death also reminds us of the frailty of being. None of us are ever quite sure when our ‘time’ will chime. Or if there will be a next time to say the thing you forgot to say or give the hug you meant to give.

His funeral service was Wednesday afternoon. It was sad–as most are. Invariably with loss comes that introspection about where we are in our lives and what we have accomplished and what is yet left to be done. Facing your mortality is never an easy (or pleasant) exercise. Yet, from time to time, I think we all have to stop and take stock. It’s only sad that it takes a loss or a tragedy to shake your foundation and make you ponder. We’re all so busy with the four minutes, that seven days seems like an eternity away.

Seven days dissolves in the blink of an eye. What your eye focuses on when the dust and rubble settle–that’s the stuff that will really save your world.